"I just can't yet, Okay" Alex looked at his mom in the reflection behind him. "And I'm not hiding
I haven't ... Alex sighed trying to remember how this particular stage was referred to.
I haven't hit the final stage what did the Doc call it... umm Acceptance that's it, I figure I have another two weeks at least on that."
His mother smiled and quietly straightened the kitchen counter. "In that case will you be staying for dinner?"
He laughed out loud. "That's the answer to everything Mom. Feed me?"
"Dear you look thin and it's important to keep up your strength."
"Keeping up my strength mom doesn't require me to gain forty pounds in the process. Why is it everyone brings you food after things like this? You know I still have food in my freezer from Nana and Tristin's visit."
"Alex your Grandmother has been mated to Rob for two years. Do you think you could manage to call him by his first name at least in her presence?"
He giggled "Sorry Mom haven't accepted that yet either. Anyway I have to be getting home I promised Lucy I'd call and you know how she worries when I'm late."
He started to get up and head for the door.
"Can you manage that alone dear?" His mother kept the worry out of her voice but her tail swished nervously.
Not her fault really but the tail never lied about feelings. He gave her credit for trying.
Alex sighed. "Mom it's just a door I can handle it."
"With your books and everything, are you sure?"
Alex got up slowly and this time had a full view of his six - foot frame in the mirror above the couch.
There was a time in his life when the last thing he wanted to look at was himself in a mirror. He grew and the compulsion to run from the mirror ceased but every once and a while it gripped him again.
"I can manage Mom. Thanks for the help and tell Dad Hi for me."
"You know dear you should really stay and talk to your Dad. He thinks you are avoiding him.." She handed him the crutch and watched as he shifted the backpack to both shoulders.
"I have a phone mom he can call me." He smiled at her and licked her cheek. "I'll be fine. Call you in a few days and if you talk to James tell him to drop me a line. Kid goes off to school and the hot shot doesn't write anymore."
Alex pulled the door open, stepped out into the fading evening light and let out a breath. He loved his parents but hated the fact that they worried so much. Sometimes he thought his "difference" was more an issue for them then it was for him. God he hated the politically correct society in which he was forced to live. Ruefully he thought call it what you will boys and girls, crip, gimp disabled and there was always his personal favorite challenged. Alex rolled his eyes just once he wanted to be in the room with the morons who thought up these terms. Boil it down and it all meant the same thing.
Alex fished his keys form his pocket and unlocked the door to his beat up Chevy van. Balancing himself precariously on the car he threw his books and his crutch in the back and slid in. He said a little prayer and turned over the key. The engine roared to life. He silently thanked God his car still had some forward momentum in her and pealed rubber out of the drive. Alex loved driving fast and had a glove box full of tickets to prove it. Easing back on the gas with his left hand he coasted up to the light. One neat thing about these hand controls he thought no one could ever steal my car and get very far. Not that anybody would want it but still it was a funny mental image.
Lucy paced uneasily in front of the door to 209B. She looked at her watch for millionth time and cursed silently under his breath. "What is it with that Tiger he'll be late for his own funeral"
Just then she hard the persecuted sound the Alex's van passed off as internal combustion and turned to see him barrel into the spot right next to her own hatchback.
"Alexander Kinkade where have you been?" She demanded, pointing to her watch and counting off the passing seconds by tapping a foot.
Alex got out of the car and stuck his head behind the seat looking for his bag beneath a mountain of fast food delivery boxes and iced tea bottles. Turning to Lucy he said "One of these days love, I'm gonna have to clean out my car. Nice to see you too by the way, although, I distinctly remember telling you I'd be at Mom's until at least seven.
"I know what you said but I got cut early. What was I supposed to do go home and then have to take the highway during evening rush? I don't think so. I was worried about you how did it go today?"
Alex came up beside her and unlocked the door. "I'll tell you what let's wait until Sammy gets home for that."
"Wait for Sam are you kidding me I had to wait all day and you and that roomie of yours are notorious for forgetting appointments."
Alex chuckled. " I was not late you were early and as for Sam, you are the one engaged to him can't you fix that?" He threw his bag on the table pulled a bottle of iced tea out of the fridge and turned to face Lucy.
"Alex do you know what all the chemicals you put in your body do to it?"
Here it comes he thought.
Lucy was a health food nut. She always had some new drink or power bar for the guys to try and generally drove them crazy. She was big on fashion and worked hard to keep her figure and Siberian orange and white striped fur in tip-top condition. Recently she'd gotten a job at the Blue Moon health food store. It was in the new strip mall down on sixth street and was closer to guys apartment then her own. Alex suspected that was a main selling point of the job because she spent more nights camped out there then she did at home.
"Lucy it's my one vice leave me alone huh? I mean I didn't complain when you made us eat tofu and pea pods did I?
"If I left it up to you guys all you'd ever eat would be burgers and pizza."
"And what's wrong with that I ask you?" He chided her.
"Nothing except it's devoid of vegetables and has enough fat for a whole weeks worth of meals."
"Lucy no where is it written that tigers are meant to eat vegetables. It's not natural. It goes against the food chain and we are supposed to be fat it keeps us warm in the in the winter.
Lucy shook her head "Alex dear you need to evolve past the food chain and see the bigger picture you'll never find ... " She stopped short and sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything. What did happen today?"
"It's Okay but if you don't mind I'd really rather wait for Sam. I don't want to have this conversation more then once."
She nodded. "Okay."
Alex sighed. It was his turn to apologize. "I'm sorry to Luce. I'm just not up for the inner peace lecture right now."
She laughed. There is more to life then inner peace Alex, but I can see where I might be in need of some new material. Just to show you what a good sport I am when Sam gets back we'll order a pizza. 0
He eyed her suspiciously "A real pizza with actual meat on it, no strange vegetables or cheese made out of soy?"
"I'll even buy. How's that for a deal?"
"Hmm well I'm going to take a shower. When Sam gets here maybe he'll help me look for the pod you came out of, because you are obviously an impostor.
Lucy laughed and watched him disappear down the hall
******
Sam kicked off his shoes and downed his third root beer and fourth slice of pizza and sighed contentedly. "That was great. Do me a favor honey; don't ruin it by telling me how unhealthy it was.
Lucy giggled, "I'll spare you the commentary for tonight love but just remember you need to fit into the tux.
Alex never thought that Lucy and Sam would end up together. On the outside it seemed that they had nothing in common. For starters Sam's idea of exercise was taking the escalator at the mall instead of the elevator and he avoided anything that seemed even remotely healthy in the way of food. In fact before he met Lucy he lived strictly on root beer and cheeseburgers. Slowly she'd helped both of them branch out their eating habits to include a few other things but she never could, even after five years, get Sam to give up his root beer. He had been infatuated with Lucy since junior year and it took him four months to ask her out. Tigers were not know as a shy group but Sam seemed to have gotten more then his share of self-doubt. He blamed his lack of confidence on family background. Alex believed it was more then that but never pushed. If it hadn't been for Lucy's patience and Sam's nervousness they might not have gotten together at all. They hadn't had the calmest of relationships but always seemed to find their way back to each other. They planned to get married next spring so Alex figured he'd either have to start looking for a new roommate then or more then likely get Lucy some change of address cards.
Suddenly Alex noticed that the chatter in the room and died down and that both his friends were watching him intently. Sam spoke first. "Well Alex this is your show so what's up? What did they say at the center?"
Alex drew in a sharp breath and then let out a sigh. "Dr Spinger said I should learn to appreciate my gift and I guess the good news is it isn't a brain tumor."
Lucy gasped and threw a pillow at him from across the room. "Alex that isn't funny and you know it."
"Sorry Hon I'm just working on my gallows humor. I don't seem to be very good at it."
"Alex" Sam let out an exasperated sigh.
"Okay, okay I'm sorry. But I'm still trying to digest this too you know." In all fairness his friends had been with him through it all, and he knew they were only concerned but he just didn't know where to start. He got up from the chair and turned to face the window, searching the sky for stars while he tried to collect his thoughts. "I'm not sure what you want me to say guys."
"Well will it go away?" Lucy asked quietly.
"It's not a disease Lucy, but I guess it could."
"I'm not sick they ran every test you can imagine today. There is nothing physically wrong with me."
"Then how do they explain what's been happening to you?" Sam echoed his own feeling from earlier when he talked to Dr Springer.
"That depends, buddy, on what you believe." He turned from the window and faced them again.
"It is the opinion of Dr Lauren Springer and her team that I am just fine. The nightmares and the visions are most probably a result of emotional stress."
Sam scoffed "Yeah sure I'll believe that when you tell me what your trauma is."
Alex laughed "That's why I keep you around Sammy. I knew I could count on you to keep this all in perspective."
"Listen you know I'm not making fun of you but come on people with emotional stress don't see the future. If anything I'm the one with the stress. After all I'm getting married in the spring." Sam ducked and Lucy's attempt at assault flew over his head and knocked his soda from the table. He growled slightly and backed up to avoid getting a root beer bath. Lucy squealed and ran to get some towels.
Sam smirked and said "See now if visions were caused by stress I'd have seen that coming."
Alex laughed for the first time all day.
****
Dr Lauren Springer took a deep breath straightened her lab coat and burst into the front office before she had time to think. She wasn't used to having to justify her actions and she had a particular dislike for the hospital administration.
The receptionist barely looked up as Lauren breezed through the outer office and pushed open the heavy wooden doors. When she entered Allcot s office he was on the phone and waved her to a chair near the window .
Theodore Allcot had a reputation as a a top notch administrator. Lauren sat down and sighed. Disgusted she thought it's to bad that all those degrees didn't come with any social skills. She watched him try and eat lunch and talk on the phone all at the same time. She was never one to be judgmental on the basis of species alone. However in Allcot's case she was inclined to believe what her Mother said about cheetahs. Never trust a cheetah Laurie, she said, because you can never really tell what they are thinking. Lauren waited a good half hour thinking of the other things she could be doing. By the time he slammed down the phone, with a growl, forty five minutes later her nervousness and determination hand gone from impatience to anger and back again
"Dr Springer." He said still focusing his attention on lunch. "It's been called to my attention that you let Alexander Kinkade leave the center yesterday
"I did." She said trying to hide the irritation in her voice.
Dr. Allcot put down his sandwich and glared at her. "How could you just let him leave" His voice shook with a touch anger, only slightly noticeable in his cool exterior.
Lauren, not to be deterred, stared back at his unflinching amber eyes. "He's perfectly healthy. I saw no reason to keep him here."
"That was not you decision to make. What symptoms is he presenting?"
Lauren sighed. "It's just some after affects nothing to be concerned about."
Dr Allcot shook his head again. "You are not qualified to make the assessment."
Lauren bristled but struggled to keep her composure. "I was under the impression when you brought me on to this project, it was to run my own team. I wasn't aware I would need to justify what I do for my patients with you."
The older doctor stroked his chin and ignored that outburst. "What did you tell him?"
"I gave him a complete work up and I assured him everything looks fine. I explained how stress causes some of the same symptoms."
"Is he fine?" Dr Allcot sank back in his chair it was a big black leather chair , making it almost impossible to discern where the chair stopped and he began
"As I said he's perfectly healthy I see no reason for concern. I did give him some sedatives to help control the effects"
"When's his next appointment?" He asked in a voice just barely above a whisper.
"Next month but I told him to call me if he notices anything else."
Dr Allcot sighed, "For the sake of the project and everyone concerned with it I hope you know what you are doing."
Secretly Lauren was hoping the same thing.
******
Alex watched as the soft green glow of his alarm clock grinned mencingly at him from across the room. He turned over and tried to will himself back to sleep. He considered taking one of the pills dr springer had given him but it seemed to much effort to get up and get them from his bag.
The condo was earily quiet. Even for this time of night there was usually a stereo playing in the distance or the new baby upstairs crying. This night however was so quiet that he could hear his watch ticking in the bathroom.
After thirty minutes he sighed and grudgingly sat up. "You win again." he said to the clock. Three AM. Alex wished just for a minute that he had gone with Lucy and Sam to his parents cabin. He watched them pack up the hatchback earlier in the evening and take off for the mountians. Lucy had mangaged to get a long weekend off and Sam's parents were always telling him to make use of the cabin. Lucy was hoping to get a chance to do some hiking and Sam just wanted to, as he put it, "veg out" They had tried to get Alex to come but he begged off saying he had studying to do. Honesty told him he could study anywhere but he just wasn't ready to go back to the cabin yet. It was beautiful and so peaceful and there was a time when he and Sam would find any excuse to hang out there. Summers, weekends, a Tuesday it really didn't matter. He smiled thinking about the time they'd shown up on a whim and caught Sam's brother having a huge party . It never really was clear to Alex what he had been celebrating but it had been one hell of a party. He'd met Sara that night. Alex shook his head violently this train of thought would most certainly not help him get back to sleep.
Willing himself off the bed he took a mintute to find his center of balance . One of the things that had hardest for him to adjust to even after all this time was the inability to just stand up amd move although when pressed he would admit the delay was much less noticable the it had been. He shuffled to the kitchen grabbed the prescription bottle from his bag and another tea from the fridge and made his way to the den without turning on any lights. Seizing the opportunity to use Sam's recliner without being teased he threw himself into the hiddious overstuffed chair and clicked on the television. Whatever this chair lacked in style it made up for in comfort and he thought that, and a little distraction might be just what he needed to get back to sleep. Unforunately channel surfing provided little relief for his insomnia. After an hour of flipping between infomericals for the Amzing Turbo Pizza Warmer and a set of knives that promised to cut steel beams and still be sharp enough to skin a tomato he gave up in disgust. For the life of him he couldn't imagine anyone wanting to cut steel and slice a tomato with the same knife. Then again the announcer kept saying it was a limted time offer so somebody must have been buying. Glancing at his biology books and the paper he'd abandoned eariler in the hopes of a good night sleep, he decided that he needed a gimmick like that too. Then he he could bag college and make millions selling that product to other insominiacs and maybe a few vampires. Laughing at the prospect of one of Lucy's health drinks being used to clean tile grout "to a gleaming shine", he hoisted himself from the chair and decided to give sleep one more try before his eight AM class.
******
"All I'm saying is that isn't really any of our business." Lucy looked at him in disblief .
"Oh hold on would you I'll be right back"
She scooted out from behind the counter and down the aisle to help a customer holding up two giant containers of protien powder. Sam shook his head and pretended to be interested in the nutrion bars on the shelf next to the register. Lucy really loved this job and he didn't want to get her into any trouble with the new boss. He was there to pick her up. They had dinner plans but judging from the look on his girlfriend's face she obviously had altieror motives.
Ten minutes later Lucy appeared beside him holding her coat. “Alright I can go. Where do you want to eat? I was thinking sushi and I'm buying.”
Sam knew for sure now something was going on but whatever it was he wasn't about to argue with a free meal and whatever she was planning would be easier to take on a full stomach.
Lucy didn't wait that long however and as soon as the waiter brought their drinks she launched right in.
"How can you say it's none of our business I'm worried about him. Spending so much time alone isn't good for anybody."
Sam shook his head "Honey I'm not even sure Alex will go for that he hasn't had date in a long time. I think he's Okay with the way things are especially now with The Center and Dr Springer and all."
Lucy cut him off. "All the more reason I think he needs to do this it'll get his mind off things."
Sam laughed. "And why do I have to ask him? I'm not entirely sure this is a good idea to begin with."
"Oh come on Sam, please? She's a friend of mine She's new in town and I think it will be better coming from you. We can double.”
Sam smirked "What makes you feel this will be better coming from me?"
"If you do this for me I'll make it worth your while." She smiled at him. "You mean there is more then dinner?" he asked teasingly
"Ask him and we'll discuss it." Lucy flicked her tail and laughed. "It'll be fun Come on babe say you'll do this for me.”
"Alright but if Alex throws me out after I ask I am moving into your apartment with you."
******
Three days passed before Sam even found the the right time to ask Alex anything. And even then the discussion didn't go the way he had hoped.
He found Alex buried under a pile of biology books and notes. Muttering to himself about wasted money and lottery numbers.
Sam pushed the door open quietly. "Hey buddy haven't seen you in a few days hows the paper coming?"
Alex didn't look up. "You know Sammy when I started college I had no idea that it would all come down to one paper. And the worst part is I don't care anymore. It all seems pointless. I mean what is this degree really going to get me .
Sam tried to hide his amusment. "Well I can give you the corprate lie or the truth ” Taking a dramatic pause Sam launced into his announcer voice. “Years of wisdom says that a college degree gets one a better life more money a better job and therefore ultimate happiness. You and I both know that the truth is all you really get is years of student loan payments and the realization that all those classes and late night study sessions only proove how unprepared for the real world you truly are.”
Alex snorted. "That's cheery."
He smiled and turned around to face his friend. Sometimes I don't know why I bother to talk to you."
"You're just stressed Alex. What you need is to have some fun, get you mind off things for awhile."
"Hmm I could go for that. What did you have in mind?"
"Okay here's the thing Lucy has this friend and sh... "
"No, no way sorry not going to happen. A blind date Sam, come on how long have you known me."
"I know , I know but Lucy is worried about you and so am I. Getting out might be just what you need. I mean it's been eighteen months you can't hide in the house forever. Sara wouldn't want you to do that.
Sam knew at that moment from the flash of anger in Alex's eyes that he had pushed the wrong button.
"Just what do you know about what Sara wants?"
Alex worked hard to keep the intense emotion from his voice. Taking a deep breath he let it out slowly. Freaking out on Sam would most certainly not help.
"I need a beer." He said quietly. Alex breezed past Sam down the hall towards the kitchen.
Alex slumped into a kitchen chair and popped open the can that promptly exploded all over his lap. He rolled his eyes. "That's just great he growled. Could this day get any better?"
Sam came down the hall after him " Listen I'm sorry I just thought...
"You thought wrong!" Alex growled cutting him off mid sentence and struggling for inner control.
He'd been through enough at this point to know he wasn't reallly angry at his best friend. Making a mental note for his ever growing list of things that truly bit now. He knew there was no way to make a quick and or graceful exit from the room. He always lost arguments because he just couldn't leave with enough force to make a truly powerful statement. Instead he sulked and neither of them said anything for fifteen minutes. It was Sam who tried again to break the silence.
He got his own beer from the fridge looked at the clock and sighed.
I have to meet Lucy in about an hour . She said something about talking to caterers. This wedding is becoming more then I can handle.“
Alex grinned “You could always run away to Vegas and get hitched .”
“Don’t think it hasn’t crossed my mind” He said laughing. Only problem is, her father is a really big man and some how I don’t think you and I could take him” Sam smirked .
Anyway promise me you'll at least think about coming it's just dinner. A couple of hours at most and you never know you might have a good time.”
"Sam I don't know I haven't been out socially like that since before the accident."
"I know that's why we think you should go. Come on Alex it won't kill you.”
"I'll think about it Okay?"
"Fair enough. Let me know in a couple of days so I know what to tell Lucy."
Alex nodded "Hey you better get moving you don't want to her highness waiting"
Sam laughed. "Don't ever say that around her you'll get clobbered."
"Awww nobody would beat me up it just wouldn't be fair. Alex put on his best pathetic face. Now those of us with no social engagments will get back to our biology paper.
*****
The next few days were very busy for Alex so much so that he barely had time to think about anything except chemical compounds and 40 different spiecies of alge, but if he was to be honest with himself most of his thoughts drifted between the center and Sara. He missed her so much that sometimes he felt that he could not bare it anymore that was part of the the reason he found The Center in the first place.
When Friday came he was more then ready for a break and decided that as a treat he wasn’t going to work on his paper all weekend. By the time he got into his car to make the trip home all he wanted was to relax and try and make up for some of the sleep he was missing out on thanks to his overactive imagination. The pills Dr springer gave him helped him to sleep but they weren’t doing anything to stop the dreams. Which he was starting to accept as another part of his life now. Sometimes it seemed to him that the life he had last year belonged to some one else or was a story that he had heard. There were so many missing pieces. He had spent a lot of time in the first few weeks and months searching for reasons and being angry. After a while he realized it was only slowing things down to waste energy that way but it still took time to let go of tne emotion that had been his first line of defense for so long. He learned to go along to get along and once he stopped fighting with everyone things he had to deal with on a daily basis were easier to handle. Well the physical reccovey was smoother anyway.
Sam met him at the door when he got home.
“Don’t be mad. It wasn’t my idea” He said blocking Alex’s way into the apartment.
Alex rolled his eyes.
“Oh no... What wasn’t? I’m really not in the mood for surprises today.”
“Lucy showed up here with her I swear to you I didn’t know.”
Alex growled “By her I assume you mean the blind date I have not said I would meet by the way.”
“I know Alex Man. I’m sorry but you know how Lucy can be when she gets an idea in her head.”
Alex nodded “Unfortunately I do” What if you say I never got here and I’ll just leave right now I had one hell of a week and to be honest I’m not sure how I got home in one piece I’m so tired”
“Would it help if I said she was cute?” Sam asked trying to distract him from what he was sure would end in Alex bolting back to his van and burning rubber out of the lot.
Lucy yelled from the othere room “Alex come meet my friend. I know your home and we’re starving. We need you to help us decide where is the best place to take Lexi on her first weekend in Springville. If we leave it up to Samuel we’ll be eating at the chicken shack and that’s not the best impression to make on a newbie.”
Alex shot same a look “Translation I’m not getting out of this am I?”
Sam smiled “Well you have to eat don’t you?”
********